I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
