Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
