Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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