I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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