so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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