Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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