Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Randomize
