Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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