Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
