it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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