You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
