I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
