You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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