sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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