I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
so that wasnt chicken after all
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
COCAINE IS GR8
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
