i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
