I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
