is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
you didnt know i had herpes?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
