i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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