I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
