i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
