My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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