I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
