I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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