I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
