I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
