i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
The power of my boobs compel you
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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