She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
