Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
