You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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