I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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