if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
