dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
