I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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