you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
