The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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