OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Threesome in a minivan. New low
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
