i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Duck Duck Cougar?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
