That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just want to make out with him forever
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
