i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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