I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
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Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
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So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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