I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
