it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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