thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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