the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
