Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It's blow job season.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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