Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
