so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
