you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Randomize