Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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