do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
