NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
