It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
