Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
