Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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