Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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