Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
